tell me what would make you happy, oh you so deserve to be

ive never felt worse.

every day is just like the next.

day and night are interchangeable

im so tired.

all i do is sleep.

i had a good poem in my head and i let it go because i couldnt find the effort to get up.

i dont know what to do.

i cant leave and i cant try.

i want to pick it up for you. i want to be better for you. i want to be happy. i want to make you happy.

i dont know what could make this better.

i barely care.

i dont have hope.

i just walk around

until i decide to go back to my room and cry.

not being here is what i want.

i need to get out.

when im awake i feel like i havent slept in days.

when im asleep i feel like a waste.

i see all the hours passing by.

i cant even reach for them.

i dont feel up to anything.

i dont want to hurt you.

i dont know what to do.

i guess im choosing weather to give up and stop

or to give myself another chance.

i never want to think again.

i never want to do anything but look

look around.

look down.

look at something until it doesnt look like anything.

i just let the blankets keep me trapped.

all tied up like a spiders web.

i hear someone moving around the house.

i burst into tears.

scratch that.

they are just slow.

they are just rain on a window.

ive never thought about it more.

i cant tell you what it is.

i wouldnt want you to worry.

i pretend i didnt know

i pretend you didnt either

i like to lie.

i feel a little bit better if i pretend its just a disease.

as if i have no control.

i think about how that day would go.

attending my own party.

i wonder who would come.

a few faces stand out in my mind.

your parents, thats a strange one.

im so cold.

i want to be somewhere else.

why cant i leave.

i dont want to be anywhere.

i want to be where i have to fake it.

lets go for a drive.

please come get me.

i sometimes think of you like youre already gone.

like your dead.

i feel dead too.

so i try not to think about it.

what happened to make me feel like this?

why are we all acting like its ok?

are you really so oblivious?

or you just think id rather not.

i dont know what this is!

i dont know how to handle this!

little monster, this is not what i want.

i cant handle being sad like this.

i wonder how much i will hate myself in the future.

i know how much of a waste im being.

i cant fix it.

day and night are interchangeable.