diamond dogs

oh golly

im tiredd

im not even excited for oregon.

like,
i kinda dont even care.
at least not right now

i just can not stop thinking about nysssa
all the time.
heaven
on
earth.

not dancing makes me wanna punch a wall
i feel so useless
i immediately feel gross and weak and not stretched
i feel like im not made to do anything but sleep and wait.

country music<3

home burial robert frost

there are the words you didn't hear
and the planes that fly too low
the ones you hook in the eye
with every stitch you tried to sew


there is every reason that your good for
and every reason i wished away
there is every word that pulled the trigger
and all the words i wished you'd say.


there was every second that came too late
and double takes you never took
there was every time you covered my eyes
and made sure i didn't look.


there was every cycle that came back around
and every time i wanted to run
there was every time i stayed up all night
and every day there was a new sun.


now is the time where its hot out at night
and you've almost got me just because


i wish i could stop being who i was

hahaha score one for da kid

la roux is what i want to be

i cant find the door

every door is a new opportunity.

when one door closes another door opens.

i cant find the door.

see me to the door?

in a room with no windows

there is no light

with no doors

nothing is alright.

i cant leave but oh! i cant stay.

oh dear, why did you go away?

ripping paper

sliding away

she found all the words 

she wanted to say

she sounds relatable 

at least to me

but oh, she showed me something

i never wanted to see

i dream about you and mr president

the cradle will fall

down she goes baby, 

halo and all

hurt is never physical

in a hot air ballon

its about shooting stars 

crashing into the moon

the lights change

on and off

i don't care

just continue to walk.

she was happy at night

but only because of the wind

i could give her chills

just like him.

it wasnt worth it 

to wonder why

its only time, dear

just passing by.

nothings left now

everyone dies

sometimes i wonder,

is that why babies cry?

you don't know me

and i don't know you

words are only words

we'll just start over new.

see me to the door then..?

Anger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






regret
loneliness
stupidity
doubt
abandonment
selfishness
heartbreak
surprise
jealousy
evil
sadness


regret.






ecstasy
wonderment
surprise
thankful
important
needed
empowered
genuine
graceful
excited
electric
warm
powerful.
love

the official date of my parents separation is February 26th.



hellz yes i read the file!


do you remember what day February 26th is?
or do you just not remember since i was an accident.
yeah, thats my birthday.

THANKS FUCKERS!!

i feel like i dont have anyone to sit and cry with anymore.

i cant go back home.

love is all you need

tears and fears and feeling proud to say i love you right out loud

so much so fast
right now.
like for realztown.


okay
annie and cec weds jpiz lizzie
HEY SUMMER COLLEGE


hiiiiinysssa


and like fuck to seniors this year
HI REAL LIFE COLLEGE.


and like bitchenchickengibbletscrackertoesdeadbabiesville


TO FUCKING DANCE FUCKING ART FUCKING STUDIOS AND CENTER OF FUCKING MOVEMENT STUDIES.


juliabridgetcarinacarinacassiesarah


like hi life, time to go.
byeeeee


so much crying.
so much crying.
so so so much emotions.


hi to life
oh youre here?
well shit.. coulda told me you were coming...
HEY 3 DAYS?
whats up?


sooo much tears.


heyfinalsfuckyouimprettysureyoudontunderstandhowimportantthisweekistomeandhowmuchiwouldloveyoutosuckmydick.


so much. sooo fast.


(i dont have time to think about you and how you are NOT INVITED INTO MY LIFE PLEASE LEAVE)


yeah saturday, yr notokay.


we will never be here again.
no, not like this.

alejandro

so much to do!!!!
stay awaaaaaakkke!
hellweekhellweekhellweek
sexdrugsrockandroll
dancedance
busybee
busybee
i
dont
care
about
school.
its dance week.
sorry future.

i like it at the studio.
i dont like it at school.
"you look fucking miserable."
"yep"

WAY TO SCARE ME.
i had to ask the verizon people if they had a phone.
and guess what. it was  VERIZON store
so of course they had a phone.
for some reason that made me think thats what it must be like to be a parent.

except im never getting married
and im not having kids
at least till im like
37

time and time again i doubt who i am
what at tragic ending
dont let go of my hand.

i dont want you to be mad at me ever ever again.
that hour of you fake not talking to me was so scary.
i promise i wont.
i was kidding
mostly.
but you scared me out of it.
because it sucks without you.

hey life!
hi.

nose rings are sexy so stfu.

my whole calender got erased with my phone so im screwed.

HELL WEEK

i get bored and then this happens

what good lighting today

haaaaaappy birthday

if patience started a band
id be her biggest fan












You make.
Me shake.
Things I'd never do.
Alright, I'll do them for you.
Tremor hands
turn you on.
Light the fire
Light the bomb.
Words pound against
the wall in my teeth.
Knees shakin',
feelin' weak.
Beating fast now
and its hard to speak.
Words are coming out,
hiding answers I seek.
Tense is my heart,
skipping every other tick.
I'm looking at your eyes
speaking quick.
Searching your face
for lips to lick.
Felt the breeze
and my hair stood up.
Just breathing your scent,
that was enough.
Now fantasies are flooding in,
so I look at the ground.
My brain is moving fast,
searching through lost and found.
Heat from your body
that only I would sense.
My mouth closes
with feeling that intense.
You're talking now
but I cant hear you.
I'll just hold on
and wait till you're through.
Now it's my turn.
Now is my cue.
Words streaming out,
only half true.
As you brush my arm
I know it's time to go.
But my feet wont move
any way but slow.
I'm moving in slow motion,
turning my head.
You're words overpower me
but I don't know what you said.
Left then right,
one foot then the other.
I look back at you
as if we've never seen each other.
So I move forward
and end with a prayer.
Replayed every night,
this I swear.
Oh dear god,
please give me this.
Let one of these nights
end with a kiss.
A glimmer in the sky
I know it to be true.
Yes, some enchanted night
I'll be with you.

and i feel perfectly fine

She's shaking down
It's never over and done
sugar lick me up, its my lie


sugar lick me upppp




sometimes i just eat whales for dinner

ordinary

i was making my lunch
and i was thinking
this is myself preparing my future me for the day


and then i was eating a nectarine and i thought
"hey, youre just a naked peach.
dont think too highly of yourself now"


and then i was staring at my glass on the table
and thinking it only takes 30 seconds to put it in the dishwasher
but oooh it feels like there is just not enough time.


then i was cutting up cheese
and i got a baggie
and for some reason
i decided to force the huge block into the baggie
rather than putting the pieces i had cut for tomorrow into the baggie
and it really made no difference since i just had to get another baggie anyway.


a lot of things happen, you know.
i think we ought to take some time to look at them.

i love driving

writewritewrite


WRITE SOMETHING FUCKING GOOD SHIT HEAD.
YOU HAVE NOTHING LEFT AND YOU FUCKED IT ALL UP
NOW THERES NOTHING LEFT
AND YOU WONT WRITE SOMETHING GOOD.
SO NOW ARE YOU DONE?
DONE
IM DONE.


help me.




Elliott- "playing things too safe is the most popular way to fail. dying is another way. or like... killing your emotions is another popular way... with you know drugs or alcohol or whatever. but, i dunno, yeah those would be types of failure..."
Interveiwer- "are you suceeding then?"
Elliott- "uhhhh no haha. not right now... but i think i might...you know...i...yeah...i might."


im drowning
i dont wanna think about it
i wish i had a friend
one like you
i feel a mess
i cant i cant i cant
i dont want you to leave me
and i dont want to be left
and i dont want anyone else coming around here
and making me feel okay
because what if they leave me
i want to be alone
i want to be okay
i want to be like you
and not care.
but i care
so much i care.
so much i miss you
so much i think
everything is gone.
theres nothing left.
youre leaving me 
i feel alone
i felt a part of everything
i felt like i had a family
and everything is gone
now
and you are leaving
and i am staying
and i want to lay down with you
and give up.
i hate this empty feeling
that i cant let anyone fill
i dont want anyone fucking around in here
because everyone is a liar
i feel empty
and no one will fill it.
im not good enough for you.


i want to drive away
i want to run away
i dont want to do it
too much
i cant think
i cant cry
i cant try
i just want to lay down
and let someone fit it
you cant fix me now


i was waiting for when i woke up
and i felt all better
and now i feel much different
but nothing feels alright
and i want to know whats missing
and i only think of one thing
i feel like a stupid piece of shit when i think that
but it wasnt just because, you know?
it was a lot different than it seemed
and something i needed
is something thats gone
the truth is...


why cant i feel better about it
why am i still upset
why am i still stuck
why do i still feel incomplete
it will never be over
and i will never feel better as long as it exists
because my heart is stubborn
when my head knows its wrong
my heart only knows what it feels
so now
i know right from wrong
and i know exactly where i stand
yet i still cant move on
without holding your hand.