behind the house there was a wall with a few bits of crappy graffiti and the word cunt written on it in giant letters and now we have that

good weekend.
strange vibes?
strange phone call.
no response..

pretty dresses
made up skirts
images images
youyouyou
shirtless

a song i never want to hear again.

i think one day ill meet you
you mystery

i have driven up there once a week
for the past 4 months
driven right up there on the gravel even though its one of my least favorite noises
and ive gotten out of the truck
and ive struggled to close the door a little bit but id never show it
as if anyone else was looking anyway
and so i trompedtrompedtromped through the woods
sometimes on my bike
even though im not so good at bike riding
and thats something ive always done with you
ive always done it because you liked it.
and because you were good at it.
sometimes i would bike regardless.
and the mud sometimes splattered up off the wheel
and got my clothes muddy.
and even when i waked on those days my shoes would get muddy.
you remember how i liked to wear those old teen vogue shoes?
and how they broke every time?
i lost a sole of one of those shoes there and never got it back.
anyway i would tromptromptromp through the woods
across all those dirt hills
and id go up and up as far as i dared
closer to the sun
and stand right out on the edge where my mother would have snatched me back and took me home.
id stand close enough that i strong wind would have tumbled me down to my death.
id look down at all the layers of rock
a circle staircase that looked like a dried up lake.
i would look across at the rusty remains of a car
and try to think up how it got there.
sometimes i would pick up some rocks and throw them
i would throw them hard
as if they were going anywhere but down.
and then i would stand and scream
as if my voice had a chance against the wasteland.
i would scream at you
and in your absence
and i would cry and yell until i couldnt anymore.
then i would stand
and look over the edge
dare myself to jump
pick up one foot and then the other
and at the point where normal humans felt fear
i felt nothing.
because you arent here.