I'm making a graph.

As silly as that sounds.

I'm making a graph.

Yes, its profound.

Of the ups and downs

and the way I feel.

Some cold hard data

might appeal.

I'd like to know how things work

and I'm going to find out.

I'd like to know why I am

inside and out.

As the pendulum swings

and the gears are turning

I'll be being the doctor

doing the learning.

(But don't we all know

this is just a big lie.

Another school project

to by me more time.

Because I can't man up

and do what I need.

Because I'm scared to go

and I'm scared to feed

the deepest hungers

of my soul and mind.

So I blame it on life,

and not having time.

When we all know the truth:

if I just asked

the newest grand level,

it too could be be passed.)

Because all I really want

is to help you now.

And what I really need

is to be good enough somehow.

I need to get back on track

and find some purpose.

I need to start giving back

because I know that you're worth it.

I know that your worth

the time and the help.

I know that your worth

what I took for myself.

So now in the mean time

I'm riding the wave.

Now its the mean time

when I just can't be brave.

So I'm riding the ocean

on the highest peak.

What do I have, graph?

Roughly a week?

Until I fall back down

to a sandy grave

and take a time out

because my brain misbehaves.

We'll yell and scream at it,

tell it to shape up.

But it pees on the carpet

like a droopy eyed pup.

Always retrograding

back to the start

and with every new cycle

I pick it apart.

I think by now

I've got it right.

I think right now

I could give up the fight.

But I guess it's not time

if my heart's not on board.

I guess it will act

on it's own accord.

But when that day comes

and I can lay down and rest

when that day comes,

I will do my best.

To be your friend

and do what I can.

Because incase you didn't know,

I'm your biggest fan.