break you with your own machine
track marks healed
now im clean.
stay away from the night
get out of my dreams.
its only your mind.
"gently down the stream.."
one day ill stop throwing up
stop blowing my nose
kick this sickness
and burn the clothes.
repetition
can be a friend
time will be spent
and structure can mend.
im running my mouth
like im so strong
but every picture
reminds me im wrong.
that frame of street and trees
could frame my whole life.
dirty snow
and cracked streetlights
im feeling good
mostly afloat
I'm doing just fine
hour to hour, note to note
the ratio is 4 to none
the ratio is sad to fun
im pretty upset
but im not gonna say
as she says
"dont push people away"
but it seems youve all flocked on your own
for why and to where
have you all flown?
ill just get used to it
being a hermit
because all the emotion
hardly seems worth it
i wont get upset
when i have no control
i have no more left
to play that role.
i cant be concerned
with much else
yeah i guess im a bitch
so concerned with myself.
your welcome to let me in
and give me a reason to care
but how it is right now
just isnt fair.
i dont understand
and i never will
and i cant be content
at least not untill..
so now ill sit back
and watch the show
laugh at all the jokes
ill never get to know
remember all the times
i never got to have
remember every weekend
and think "its not so bad"
and now id like to throw up
because you cant leave me
and it wont ever be the same
how could it be?
its a blessing
and a curse
but i know
loosing you is worse
than a day like this
could ever be
but there is no answer
to my plea
because you have no choice
and thats the hardest bit
you have to leave
and i have to live with it.
i cant imagine
a week without you
and now ill have to start
braving it through.
you leave me with a smile
and tell me "chin up"
but i try to follow
like some lost pup.
i feel so misplaced
like i should be going too
thoughts of next year
make me so dark blue.
im afraid
and i cant trust myself
to be ok
while your away.
i just start crying
when i think of how id be
if you
had never met me.
and now im torn between
wishing time would stop
wishing i had more,
setting back the clock
or living in fast forward
making time pass
counting the seconds
until its over at last.
i need to be free
i need you to keep me down
i need you to make me smile
and be there when i frown
i need so much
just to stand
and i dont know how to walk
without holding your hand
just dont desert me
that i cant bear
but i belive what you say
youll always be there.
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