Nobody broke your heart, you broke your own cuz you can't finish what you start

i feel really guilty.

and ive been blaming a lot on myself.

because i know im different.

and i know im busy.

and i know i cant be there all the time.

and i do feel bad, im not lying.

but the way i make myself feel like shit all the time is really hurting me.

i shouldnt have to feel bad because im doing something that makes me happy.

something in the midst of how shitty this year is going.

im sorry im not perfect

and maybe i havent been giving you all my time.

but im not ok.

and maybe im figuring out a lot of stuff on my own.

and i dont want to change

but i have no choice right now.

i feel bad. a lot.

but i cant do it.

i cant even figure out my own crap right now

im not thinking about other people as much as id like to.

but i just cant.

im in a place where i have to be a little selfish.

and i know this all sounds like bull shit to you.

like wtf do i need to be so sad about?

but sorry.

cant help it.

if youd like to tell me what i should do

go ahead

cuz i have no fucking idea.

ps. im sick of this blog bullshit. if you have something to say, please just say it. otherwise im going to stop reading. if thats what you like, cool with me. let me know.

pss. ok, i just re read this and it sounds really mad. but im not going to delete it. because i think its most honest in how it came out unedited.