every night i do this.

every night i do this.
i think of it all and imagine myself getting up to write it down.
and i dont.
and i sleep and forget.

every night i do this.
i see hope or fear (often both).
every night i love
every day i remember.

every day i remember.
today i thought
when asked
about
freedom.
and i remembered. and cried.
ill never be there again.

the threes dont light
i see no stars
in the daytime
the sun is the only star i see.
i sleep before the others arrive
because in reality
they are a memory
of what used to be.

what used to be was nothing special
and thats just it.
you dont know freedom till youve lost it.

give me what i want.
do not let me be spoiled
to not let me be hard
i do not believe in hope.

i am not unhappy.
i am not unkind.

i do not want the default.

i never have believed in hope.
i once believed in love.
i do believe in lust.
i am not bitter.
i do not believe in love.